I went to a Reiki session yesterday. I explained to Linda Reiki master about this far away feeling I was experiencing since the day before. I said that it was like being in a crowded room. I started off the day very present so it was like I was in the front of the room but slowly as the day went on, I moved backwards in my mind the room until I was all the way in the back. Linda asked me if it was ok to refer back to this image at different points as we worked to see where I was in the room in other words, how "far away" I felt.
When we started to work and she asked me for the first time, I told her that I wasn't all the way in the back but I was towards the back. She asked me what could be put in the front of the room that would make me want to move forward towards the front? An interesting question that I never thought of! I had to sit with that thought for a minute.
I couldn't think of something specific so I ended up saying that it would have to be something that would make me feel happy. She then asked me to describe what me being happy looked like. This was hard at first because it's such a foreign concept to me, but then things started to come to mind.
I said that I would feel this "lightness", not so weighted down by pain, fear, sadness. There would be this ease because I wouldn't have to be on guard waiting for the other shoe to drop. I would feel present, in the moment, simply enjoying the situation and feeling confident and worthy.
Of course Linda's next question was what did I think would get me to that? A thought immediately popped into my head but I was hesitant to say it. I told her that I thought I had an answer but I didn't want it to be my answer. I explained that I wasn't sure if it had to do with my birthday and the fact that I am turning 30 and that thoughts of "I'm running out of time" keep entering my head. I ended up saying that the answer that first popped into my head of the thing that would make me happy was to be in a meaningful relationship with someone.
